Guide · Roommates and shared living

Finding a Roommate

A friendly, practical guide to finding a compatible roommate safely, from the first message to a written agreement you both feel good about.

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Where to start

Someone asking for money before you meet?
Stop and slow down. See if something feels off.
Just starting to look?
Check your lease and ask the owner first, then follow the steps that help.
Ready to talk with people?
Use the questions worth asking.

The short version

Finding a good roommate starts with honest conversations about everyday life: schedules, cleaning, guests, noise and money.

Check your lease and ask the owner first. Write a fair listing that describes the home and your habits, not the kind of person you want.

Meet safely: video call first, meet in a public place, verify identity and references, and never send money before seeing the home.

Before move-in, put it in writing: update the lease if needed, sign a simple roommate agreement, and walk the home together.

Fair housing and roommate rules differ from place to place, so we’d gently encourage a quick look at your local rules. If you ever have questions, we would love to help.

Four simple rules

1
Talk about everyday life
Schedules, cleanliness, guests, noise and money matter far more day to day than shared hobbies.
2
Meet safely, verify kindly
Video chat first, meet in a public place, and confirm who someone is before sharing keys or money.
3
Treat everyone fairly
Focus on habits, expectations and the home, never on who someone is.
4
Put it in writing
Check with the owner, update the lease if needed, and write a simple roommate agreement together.

Try it

Steps that help

From the guide’s own steps. Tick each one as you go. Your ticks stay on this device. These are examples; your situation may need others.

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Lease checked and the owner asked before looking
Honest listing written about the home, the rent, the shared spaces and your everyday habits
Phone or video call before meeting anyone in person
First meeting in a public place, with a friend told where you’ll be
Same questions asked of everyone, about schedules, cleaning, guests, noise, pets and money
References asked for, like a past landlord or roommate, and followed up kindly
Simple roommate agreement written together before move in, with a copy for each person

Questions worth asking

Sleep and work schedules
Cleaning habits
Guests and overnight visitors
Noise
Pets
Smoking
How bills will be split and paid

These are examples. Ask everyone the same questions, listen to the answers, and share your own honestly. The goal is a good match for everyday life.

If something feels off

Take a breath and trust your instincts. It is always okay to slow down or say no kindly.
Pause any payments or plans until you feel comfortable.
Confirm identity and details: a video call, a meeting in person, and references you contact yourself.
If a listing or person asks for gift cards, wire transfers or cryptocurrency, stop. These are common scam signs.
Share any concern with the owner, and keep copies of every message.
If you suspect a scam, report it at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. If anyone ever feels unsafe, call 911.

Before anyone pays anything, have a video call, meet in person, see the home together and confirm who everyone is. Real people and real homes are happy to wait for that.

A few things to avoid

Please don’t send or accept money, like a deposit or rent, before meeting and seeing the home.
Please don’t share personal details, like financial account numbers, until you know who someone is and are ready to sign.
Please don’t write listings or make choices based on who someone is, like race, religion, national origin, disability or family status.
Please don’t rush. Pressure to decide quickly is a common sign that something isn’t right.

Describe the home, rent and habits in your listing, not the kind of person you want.

Before move in

Making it official

From the guide’s own list for when a new roommate is approved. Your ticks stay on this device. These are examples; your lease may ask for others.

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New roommate added to the lease or a written addendum, signed by everyone
Deposit records updated, so it is clear whose deposit is whose
Home walked together and the condition report updated, with a comment on every item
Keys and codes issued and recorded on the key list
House rules, emergency contacts and how to request repairs shared
Copies of every application, approval and signed document kept together

Test yourself

How much do you remember?

4 quick questions from this guide, with a one line why for each. Totally optional, no sign in, and your answers are never saved.

From The Perfect Series

Go deeper with The Perfect Move-In Checklist Workbook

Simple, step by step checklists you can write in for moving in: the move in walk, moving day, your first week, utilities, keys and more.

See The Perfect Move-In Checklist Workbook All books in The Perfect Series

Keep the full guide handy

The PDF has everything: everyday habits, what to do when something goes wrong, common myths, helpful resources and plenty of real-world tips. Print it, save it or share it with anyone who could use it.

Download the PDF

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This guide shares general information to help you, and is not legal advice. Bunklow does not screen, verify or approve roommates.